Distractions

After much consideration, I’ve made some big decisions…

When my lease is up in October, I’m most likely going to move back in with my dad and go back to school (hopefully full time, if I can swing that). I’m really ready to get it all done and get my career in line. I’m tired of barely being able to make it work & trying to make ends meet month after month.

During this time, I’ll be saving money, because I will still be working full-time as well. That way, when school is over, hopefully I can move to North Carolina (my middle destination before NYC) and start my life there. 

Yes, it’ll be hard to give up all the freedom I have while having my own apartment, but it’ll be well worth it. I’ll be able to afford school, maybe save up for a new car, and be living in a mostly drama-free environment. I love my dad; he’s always been there to support me, no matter what I decide to pursue. Now if things in the line of becoming a surgical technologist don’t work out, then I have to re-evaluate my major, but I have a good feeling it will fall under some sort of advanced English degree, since becoming an English professor was always my first dream. But hell, even being a writer would satisfy my creative outlet, probably more than being a prof. But we’ll see.
Moving back in with dad would also mean I have a great internet connection 100% of the time. No shitty spotty connection that I can only find in certain areas of my apartment. Thank god.

Ok, no on to other matters…

Looks like things didn’t really go anywhere with the underwear-model-looking guy. But that’s ok. I’m not really in the mood to deal with a high maintenance good looking young guy, because I just don’t have the patience.

And after really thinking about certain goings-on… And certain so-called “friends” that I thought I could trust, I’m going to put an end to my own denial, and just call it what it is: a lack of respect, loyalty, or care for my feelings. When someone you thought you could trust does something and tries to hide it from you (i.e. goes to a place where my ex works, and does it while forgetting to even mention it to me at all, and I have to find out via Facebook) then we have a problem. Best friends should be able to share everything with each other; that’s the whole point of having a best friend, right?
But the fact that she (cat’s out of the bag, I guess) would go behind my back… It’s just so hurtful. Especially since I haven’t been able to handle even seeing him in public since last August. Would I go hang out somewhere where I knew her ex would be, and not tell her about it? No, it would be the first thing out of my mouth the next time I saw her. If it’s somewhere that I am unable to go because heartbreak is the reason, then you sure are not welcome to go there, especially if I’m not with you. I’m not mad, I’m just extremely hurt, and this isn’t the first time this has happened. So instead of confronting the situation head on, I’m backing off from the friendship altogether. I will be polite, but I will not make a conscious effort to spend time with her, and I will not go out of my way to do nice things for her. If you don’t respect me, its pretty much a guarantee that I will lose respect for you very quickly.

I will officially be un-broke come mid-May, and I’m very much looking forward to it. I’m trying to plan a weekend trip to Austin, to see a very old friend, who I’ve missed a lot, despite the disaster that happened between us 4 years ago. I’ll probably make this trip alone, get horribly lost, drink too much, and do things most people would regret, but I will enjoy every second of it.

Also, I’m contemplating getting a Monroe piercing, which means it will probably happen in the next few weeks. A hair cut and color change is also in order…I feel it’s time to go back to red, it was such a fun color.

My brother is visiting at the end of May, and I’m so excited! We’ll be getting our matching tattoos, and of course, pictures of that will be for show.

Overall, I’m just ready to cut out all the bullshit and the distractions, get on with my life, have good friendships, spend time with my family, and get school over with. For once, I feel so clear-headed, like I’m ready to embrace the future, and I’m finally accepting that everyone has to grow up sometime. Now is my time to finally do it.